This has been the most up and down year I’ve ever experienced emotionally! As I thought back over 2022, my initial reaction was, “it sucked.” (Infertility really colors your perception of life.)
Back in January of last year, I thought I was ready to give up on trying to get pregnant with a second child. I felt like I had gone through a lot of the grieving process already, and I wanted to move on. At that point, we had been trying for a year and a half. We had thought IVF was our only hope to get pregnant again, but then in February we got some updated test results that showed that we actually might have a good shot if we kept trying on our own (supposedly).
I remember feeling shocked, and honestly angry. It felt like a trick. And I was scared. I didn’t want to open myself up to hope again, only to be disappointed. I had plans for 2022. I was going to live life to the fullest and not be so obsessed with ovulation and pregnancy achievement. It was going to be “my year.” The day before we heard about the new test results, I had literally taken every baby item I had saved over the years and put it all in a big pile in the garage to donate (or trash). I had literally just emailed a friend about why I was feeling content with only having one child and being a family of three.
What a dangerous thing, to declare it to be “your year!”
I figured if we didn’t keep trying, I might regret it one day. What if I really could get pregnant?
But the months all passed, and here we are at the end of 2022, and there’s no baby in sight.
Obviously, that’s been the most sucky part of this year. But there were some other doozies too:
- January 3rd I tested positive for COVID, less than a week before we were supposed to go on a big family trip.
- In February I applied and interviewed for a job I really wanted, one for which I thought I was a shoo-in, and ended up not even getting called back for a second interview – a HUGE hit to my self-esteem.
- In April I randomly had to go to the ER for pain from an ear infection because it was so bad I couldn’t sleep or wait until the morning to go to the regular (and much cheaper) doctor.
- Month after month after month I didn’t get pregnant – my own hellish version of Groundhog’s Day
So yeah, 2022 really did kind of suck.
But it was also really great too.Read More »