Category: happiness

pineapples, one with sunglasses

My Word for 2024: UNABASHED

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The Grammys happened a few days ago, and while I didn’t follow it super closely, I was curious to see who the winners were. Miley Cyrus won her first ever Grammy for her song, “Flowers.” (I am so unhip, I still have not actually listened to that song… but now I probably will.) This was a huge night for Miley, but you know what most people ended up focusing on? Making fun of her hairstyle. Now Miley is no stranger to unique fashion styles, and she frequently gets a lot of flack for it. But instead of changing herself to avoid criticism, she seems to lean even more into emphasizing her uniqueness. And you know what? I admire that.

As I began thinking about my word for 2024, and what kinds of things I wanted to accomplish this upcoming year, one word kept coming to my mind:

UNABASHED

def. “not embarrassed, disconcerted, or ashamed”
“boldly certain of one’s position”

synonyms: unapologetic, confident, proud


Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com

I chose this word for a few reasons. Over the last year I realized that there was a big part of me that was just trying to “fit in.” I didn’t want to be different, I wanted to blend in with the crowd, and be “like everybody else.”

Isn’t that embarrassing to admit? I thought I was beyond worrying about “being cool” since I’m in my late 30s, but obviously I wasn’t!

Last year I also began noticing people who were unapologetically themselves, and they seemed so happy. It began with my son’s ballet teacher. She does cosplay, and goes ALL OUT for her costumes! It seems like every week, her hair is dyed a different color. She has anime tattoos from her favorite anime show… oh, and she also doesn’t shave her armpits, and totally does not care! After taking my son to ballet week after week, I found myself thinking, “I want to be like her.”

The last 3 years were difficult ones for me – I had been going through grief and depression over infertility, which led to me dealing with a faith crisis and a lot of anger. Honestly, I didn’t feel like myself – or maybe I had forgotten who I really was. I finally just decided I was tired of feeling that way. I wanted to do things that made me happy, and some of those things are probably “weird,” but I didn’t want to feel ashamed about that.

This year, I want to not only accept that I may be unique and weird, I want to relish in that knowledge! I want others to see me, and to be inspired to love themselves as they are.

I want my son to know he does not need to “fit in” or try to be someone he’s not. And I know the most powerful way to get that across, is to be an example of that myself.

Will I risk being made fun of or getting criticized? Of course! That’s why it’s so hard to truly embrace yourself. Some people will love you for it, and some will hate you for it. Just ask Miley 🙂

DREAM - HOPE - BELIEVE - DARE - RISK - TRY

A Quick Turnaround

EricaLeave a comment

6 weeks ago when I wrote my last post, I was really immersed in disappointment and had no hope that things were going to get better anytime soon.

I’m happy to report that so much has happened since then – and I’m in a much better place.

When I’m in a dark place, sometimes I have a tendency to want to “fix” things, or try taking drastic measures to make things better. One of those drastic things I had thought about doing six weeks ago was quitting my job. I loved the place and the people I worked with, but I didn’t exactly love what my specific role was. I constantly felt like I was failing, and despite being at my job for over four years, I still felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. I was majorly burned out.

I ended up having a meeting with my boss. He knew I was going through some hard stuff. I told him I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing, and that I was honestly thinking of quitting. He asked me what would need to change in order for me to want to stay. I proposed moving to a different department where I felt like I would be better supported and could be successful. I also proposed working less than 40 hours a week – maybe 32, or even 20, hours.

And because my boss is awesome, he was like, “done!”

So, two weeks ago, I officially began working in my new department – with a team of people who are excited to have me and who are teaching me how to do the work that needs to be done. They are patient with me when I ask a million questions, and the work has been good and steady, and surprisingly more meaningful than I thought it would be. I’m also only working four days a week – I now have Fridays off.

The past two weeks I’ve felt like a completely different person from the one who wrote that last post. I am SO much less stressed. The hours pass quickly at work, I love learning how to do new things, and the tasks are challenging me in a good way. I’m feeling successful. I feel like my work matters, and I’m helping more people than I ever was before. I have more energy for my family, and for myself. I started going back to the gym this week. I decided I would start taking a yoga class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I started making green juices for breakfast in the mornings. I’ve been going on more walks with my dog.

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cross with flowers at church entrance

40 Days of Lent and My Own Personal Season of Disappointment

Erica2 Comments

It has been a rough couple of weeks for me. There have been numerous disappointments over the past month. Things that I took for granted would happen, and then they didn’t.

Things that were a pretty big hit to my confidence and self-esteem. Things that were a hit to my faith.

I’m not talking about your casual, run-of-the-mill disappointment. I’m talking about the devastating feeling of being punched in the gut when you learned the news. I’m talking about the kind of disappointment that requires a mental health day (or two) off of work. The kind of disappointment that makes you think, “what’s the point!?”

Why would God let this happen? Why did he keep ignoring my prayers? Did he just forget about me, or did he not care about me anymore?

It’s been interesting because this season of disappointment and doubt has corresponded amazingly well with the season of Lent, which began on March 2 this year: Ash Wednesday.

I went to my first Ash Wednesday service this year. In the faith tradition I grew up in, we just didn’t observe Lent. I had never even heard of it until I went to college, when suddenly people were talking about giving up caffeine or chocolate for the 40 days before Easter.

I think some people feel very uncomfortable stepping outside of their own faith traditions, but I have found it beneficial to keep an open mind, and see if there is a potential spiritual benefit in partaking in other faith traditions. Lent is not even that far of a stretch for me, it’s still a Christian tradition, just not the brand of Christianity I was used to.

Church auditorium with words "Ash Wednesday" on screen
family with ash crosses on foreheads
My family and I at our Ash Wednesday service (2022)

At our Ash Wednesday service, we sang hymns together and had a time of private and public confession of sin. It was a time to focus on our mortality, and our thankfulness that Jesus died for our sins. It was a time to be grateful for the grace of God.

I thought about giving up something for Lent, but nothing seemed right. I started out the season of Lent with a lot of hope, but found myself unfortunately collecting disappointment after disappointment. Our church had created a podcast especially for Lent, where members of our church shared prayers and Scripture and recited the Lord’s Prayer together. Many people talked about how much they loved the podcast, and how uplifting and meaningful it was for them to listen to it each morning.

But I found myself less and less able to listen to it as the weeks went by. I felt like my faith was failing as I watched and waited (and waited some more) for my prayers to be answered. And then they weren’t.

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