Category: about me

The Last of Us: A Game That is so Much More than just Killing Zombies

Erica2 Comments

I missed posting this on the actual anniversary of “Outbreak Day” – Outbreak Day (September 26, 2013) is the day in the video game, The Last of Us, that a terrible virus reached “critical mass” – so yes, just to be clear, I’m referring to a fictional event. In the real world, September 26th is still a time each year to celebrate the awesome-ness of The Last of Us, (and this year was renamed “The Last of Us Day” instead of “Outbreak Day.” Thanks COVID.)

If you’ve never heard of The Last of Us (TLOU) feel free to Wikipedia it, but I’ll simply say it’s a video game (released in 2013) that tells the story of a man, Joel, trying to get a teenage girl, Ellie, across the country in a post-apocalyptic setting – and there are zombies (kind of). ( I guess they are not technically “zombies,” but there are people who are trying to attack/eat you, and you have to kill them, so in my mind, they are pretty much zombies.) It’s a pretty dark story, and as you could guess, also pretty graphic and violent.

And it’s been one of my favorite games to watch my husband play.

These days I’m not much for video games – back in the day I was pretty amazing at The Lion King on the Sega Genesis, but in recent times I have little interest in playing or watching many video games. So 7 years ago when Dean asked me if I wanted to watch him play TLOU, I was pretty skeptical. Especially knowing it was supposed to be a scary and violent game with zombie-like people. Not exactly my typical cup of tea for entertainment. (Just for reference, I tried to watch The Walking Dead many years ago, but it scared me too much.)

TLOU has become a big point of connection for my husband and I – I literally sat and watched him play this game for hours, like probably a good 20 or 30 hours (not in one sitting thankfully). The story is captivating, the characters are compelling… there’s so much to like about TLOU. From the first opening scene of the game, you are hooked. For Valentine’s Day (back in 2014) my card from my husband was TLOU themed (see the image back at the top.) So this year, when The Last of Us Part II came out, both my husband and I were stoked. (And yes, we finished it, and it did not disappoint!)

One thing I have really appreciated about TLOU is how it features really strong female characters. In the first game, you start out playing as Joel, but eventually end up playing as Ellie. And Ellie, even though she is young, is a force to be reckoned with. Her whole life she has grown up in a world where survival was always a prime objective, and certainly not a guarantee. I distinctly remember a scene in the game where Ellie and Joel are exploring an abandoned building, and Ellie finds a book, something along the lines of The Babysitter’s Club, or some similar novel. She glances through it and is dumbfounded to think about a teenage girl’s biggest problems being whether or not her top matched her shoes, or if a boy liked her.

Ellie in The Last of Us Part II

In TLOU Part II, we meet another female character who becomes critical to the story: Abby.

Initially I hated Abby (the game kind of makes you hate her at the beginning), but as the game progresses, you learn more about Abby and her story, which of course allows you to empathize with her more and more. Abby is… built like a horse. I don’t know how else to say it. She has a muscular build that would rival any man’s. I remember thinking it was strange when we first met her in the game. But later, I found I really appreciated how this game featured women that were not stereotypical damsels in distress, in terms of appearance or actions. I appreciate being able to value women’s bodies that are different or unique – I myself have struggled a lot in the past (or sometimes the present) for not being able to live up to what I thought I was “supposed” to look like.

Abby (The Last of Us Part II)

I guess to summarize I just really want to say that I love The Last of Us (parts I and II) because it tells a great story that goes a lot deeper than just killing zombies (or infected people… I know they’re not technically “zombies.”) I really love how this game is kind of an exercise in empathy; the more you learn about each character’s story, the more you understand and have compassion for why they are the way they are. (And don’t we need more of that in the world today???)

This game was initially such a surprise to me back when I watched the first one, and the second one was so well done (I won’t give any spoilers, but it was seriously amazing!)

If you have an opportunity to play or watch this game, I would highly recommend it! You can even find the cut-scenes on YouTube if you’re not much of a gamer but are curious about the story.

Thanks for reading.

A Season of Mental Wellness

Erica1 Comment

It’s not often I write to share when things are going well – I normally write about difficult experiences and how I have navigated them successfully (or perhaps unsuccessfully…)

I also never wanted to be that person who came off as bragging that everything in her life was going great – I think posts like that are hard to read if you’re in a bad place. It heightens that illusion that everyone else is living their best life except for you (which is not true!) 

However, I do think there is value in admitting to myself (and all of you) that things are actually going pretty well for me lately. 

Last year, I wrote a blog post titled How Do You Thrive? and talked a bit about how I wanted to feel like I was thriving, not just surviving. I can honestly say that I now feel like I’m thriving – for the first time in probably over 4 years, I am thriving!!!

What do I mean by thriving? I mean that I’m noticing signs that I am mentally, emotionally and physically well. For example:

  • I’ve started eating better recently (more veggies and less sugar!) I’ve had very little motivation to eat healthy since before my son was born. 
  • I’ve started working out again (thankfully my foot has recovered enough to allow this), including going on long walks in the morning and doing some strength workouts at home. 
  • I had the motivation and energy to undertake a big home improvement project last weekend (which has now of course turned into a project spanning multiple weekends).
  • I’ve been able to appreciate the relationships in my life more instead of wishing for something different – I feel blessed with authentic friendships and feel like my husband and I are in a solid place of supporting one another right now.

I think one of the most important indicators that I’m thriving is that I’ve come to a place of self-love and acceptance that I haven’t had in years. 

It’s interesting to find myself thriving in the midst of this global pandemic – while I do have to monitor my anxiety levels when it comes to COVID, I actually think the pandemic has helped me to get to this better place. I’ve been forced to slow down, to spend more time at home with my husband and son… it’s been a time to re-prioritize and think about what really matters. I realized I actually really enjoy not having plans every night and weekend – if we ever get back to “normal,” I hope I will continue to leave space in my life to rejuvenate and flourish.

Despite all this talk about thriving, I don’t want to leave the impression that everything is absolutely perfect right now – rest assured, perfection is not what I have achieved! Actually, in the past month I’ve had two different days where I actually felt really down – where some insecurities and feelings of depression kind of came and hit me out of nowhere. 

It isn’t the absence of bad days that equals thriving – it’s how well I navigated the bad days when they came. 

I’m grateful to be able to say that when the bad moments came, I was able to tune into my feelings, process them, and figure out what I needed to do to get to the other side of them. Both times by the end of the day, that dark cloud above me had lifted and moved on.

And if that’s not thriving, then I don’t know what is! I’m hopeful this season of wellness will last for a long time, but realistically I know there will most likely be hard seasons at some point in my future again.

I’m proud of myself for getting to this point in my life, but am also mindful that many of the things that led me here included situations and opportunities that I can’t take full credit for. I am fortunate to have been able to go to counseling regularly over the past 5 years, and to have found an amazing counselor. I am fortunate to have a supportive husband who was there for me at my lowest points and encouraged me to get to where I am today. I am fortunate to have people in my life who spoke truths to me about my skills and talents and how much I mattered as a person.

Not everyone is fortunate to have all of those things – I know that. Maybe you’re a single parent and barely have enough energy to get through the day. That’s okay – just survive for now. Maybe you’re working two jobs and still are barely making ends meet. That’s okay – just survive for now. Maybe you have some toxic people or situations in your life right now that are sabotaging your attempts at getting mentally healthy, but you can’t get away from them at this moment. That’s okay – keep surviving for now. 

Mental health shouldn’t be a privilege reserved only for certain people – but I think sometimes it is. (This could be a topic for another blog post, there’s so much more to unpack here.) 

I guess what I’m left with now, is wondering how I can help others who are on their way to mental wellness – how can I level the playing field and give others the same opportunities to succeed that I had? 

This post took an unexpected turn – but I love that! That’s what’s so cool about writing: sometimes you just don’t know what will come out on the page once you start.

Thanks for reading.

July 26th – 4 Years

Erica1 Comment

Here it is – July 26th. Today marks 4 years since I experienced a major case of postpartum depression and was admitted to the hospital for a week.

I reread my post from last year’s anniversary in 2019 – I really struggled with that one, a lot of feelings of grief came up for me. I guess you never really know how your body is going to heal and process trauma. One thing I do know, it takes TIME.

I’ve been excited (sort of?) for this year however because I’ve felt really positive when I’ve thought about this day arriving. I feel like maybe I’ve turned a corner – I feel like I can really embrace this part of my story and understand how it’s made me a better and stronger person. Maybe next year will be different, but I’m thankful to feel grateful and positive this year.

While I would certainly have never wished this experience on myself or anyone else, I’ve been reflecting on ways which I think it has changed me. Not just changed, but empowered.

#1. It’s made me a passionate advocate.
After going through this experience, I knew that I wanted to publicly share what had happened to me. About 3 months after my postpartum depression episode, I published my first blog post about this experience. I remember just hoping it might make a difference, that it might help at least one person not feel so alone. I’ve since been given other opportunities in different avenues to share my struggle with depression, specifically dealing with postpartum stuff, and it has been very healing (albeit difficult) for me. I try to make it a point to be very open with others in conversation about struggling with depression and anxiety and going to counseling – I want to remove the stigma of mental health any way I can.

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