Author: Erica

The Day I Won the “World’s Okayest Mom” Award

EricaLeave a comment

I am about to tell you a story that I can hardly believe happened to me – one that I feel is worthy of putting myself up for the nomination to win the “World’s Okayest Mom” award. (In other words, I basically had a big parenting fail moment!) Initially I felt so terrible about it, but have since laughed and shared the story with friends and family, so I figured I might as well share it with the world!

I hope on those days when you feel like you’re not good enough, when you feel bad for making mistakes, you will think about this story and know that we’re all in this together! You are worthy – you are good enough – you are loved.

A few weeks ago, I was in the midst of the one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a while. It was the final week of my Fall semester at grad school, and I had two major projects due that were between 20%-30% of my final grade (no pressure!) I am a very good student, but due to some crazy circumstances this semester, I was genuinely worried I was not going to pass one of my classes. I knew these projects would require many hours of work to be acceptable to turn in, but it just so happened that this final week Dean was planning to go out of town for work two different times – which meant I was by myself with our two-year-old son. And after working all day and then finally getting my son to bed, I found it very difficult to stay awake to complete my homework. When I don’t get enough sleep, I start to get sick… so of course about halfway through the week I started feeling terrible. It was a classic snowball effect situation.

During this final week, one of my sweet coworkers asked me if I would like a Christmas ornament with Calvin’s name and birthday info on it – she was making ornaments for other friends who had recently had kids, and they were turning out so cute that she thought I might want one.

I replied that yes I would, and so my coworker told me that I just needed to send her the basic info: first name, middle name, date, time, weight, etc. I started typing out a text with all the information:

Calvin Alex
June 30, 2016
11:40pm
6 lb, 7.5 oz

My coworker responds via text that she hadn’t known what Calvin’s middle name was, to which I said, “It’s Dean’s middle name too.”

Another week went by, and I got my assignments turned in (I passed the class by the way) and my coworker brought me the ornament she had made. It was so cute, and I told her I loved it! I set it on my desk at work knowing I would take it home later that day. I took a picture of it and almost posted it to Instagram, but I didn’t want the surprise to be ruined for other friends she was giving ornaments to, so I waited.

IMG_0650

I went to lunch, our university was providing a free meal to all faculty and staff in the cafeteria, so I ate with some of the other library staff and then headed back up to my office. I sat down and logged into my computer, and I again noticed the ornament sitting on my desk.

At that point, something suddenly occurred to me: “Alex” is not Calvin’s middle name.

It is Dean’s middle name, and it was the middle name of Dean’s grandfather for whom Calvin is named after, “Calvin Alex Pye,” but I then remembered that we had decided on a different middle name for our son: Miles.

Can I just tell you that I have not felt that embarrassed in a long time? I literally forgot my son’s middle name for a week and a half – I literally told my coworker that my son had the same middle name as my husband, a fact that was completely false.

I texted my coworker at that point, and the text began: “you are going to think I am insane…”

Genuinely, I think I had been under so much stress, that I kind of had been a little out of my mind. I cannot believe that I didn’t realize my mistake sooner – but hey folks, that’s what stress does to you!

So, if you’re feeling like you’ve made a huge parenting fail – it’s okay – tell someone, they’ve probably done something similar or crazier! Find someone to laugh about it with you. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you and not shame you for your mistakes.

And give yourself some grace.

Also, if there really is a “World’s Okayest Mom” award – please consider nominating me.

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Real inspiration from not-so-real Characters: My Hero Academia

Erica2 Comments

You know how on YouTube when you are watching a video it usually defaults to “autoplay” so that when one video ends, it automatically starts playing something else? Many times I will go to YouTube to listen to music – a few months ago I was listening to music from Fullmetal Alchemist, and it began autoplaying some music from another anime show: “My Hero Academia.” I liked the music so much (from this show I had never watched), that I bought a few of the songs on iTunes (and yes, they were completely in Japanese) and began listening to them regularly.

Eventually, I decided that I wanted to watch the actual show, hoping that my love of the music would translate over the the show.

Fast-forward to now: Dean and I are on season 3 of My Hero Academia, and it is literally one of my favorite shows! I had been a bit surprised at how much I enjoyed Fullmetal Alchemist, seeing as I am semi-new to anime – but when it was over, I was ridiculously fan-girling the show, and even wanted to be Edward Elric for Halloween (which didn’t work out because, adult life is busy and lame and I didn’t have time to make my costume!)

So anyways, even though I didn’t think it was possible, I will say that I am now a bigger fan of My Hero Academia than I was of Fullmetal Alchemist.As Dean would say, I have “forsaken my first love.”
Sorry, Ed. Image result for sad edward elric gif

I think it is so interesting that one can gain so much inspiration from a fictional character, although this certainly isn’t a new phenomenon. I have always been a big fan of reading fiction, and I can easily get wrapped up in the lives of my favorite book characters. When I was in college, the last few Harry Potter books were just being released, and I was definitely on board the Harry Potter fan train (the Hogwarts Express, I suppose?) I remember one of my classmates talking about how she had gotten so wrapped up in the books, that during one of her prayers she had actually prayed for Harry, that God would keep him safe from Voldemort! Sometimes it’s easy to blur the lines between reality and fantasy.

The character that inspires me the most from My Hero Academia is, not surprisingly, the main protagonist: Izuku Midoriya. image (1)So, what is it about him that inspires me? I think he has some similarities to other characters I’ve admired, such as Hermione Granger and Edward Elric. But let’s talk more about Midoriya. P.S. – there may be some spoilers ahead for those who have not watched this series yet!

To give a bit of background to the character, Izuku Midoriya lives in a time where 80% of the population has what they call a “quirk,” or basically a power of some sort. Many people develop these quirks to become professional superheroes, and some go on to use their powers for evil and become super villains. Izuku as a young boy wanted more than anything to become a hero, but no quirk ever manifests itself. He gets made fun of and bullied by other kids because of his “quirkless-ness.” Later on however, as Midoriya is about to go into high school, a quirk manifests itself in a bit of an untraditional way. He gets accepted to UA High School where he gets a chance to become a pro super hero.

Okay, back to the question: What about Izuku Midoriya inspires me? I think we can be inspired either by things we feel are lacking in ourselves, or that we feel a sense of connection to. So basically: things we value and want to become, or things we already are. Here are 5 things I value about Midoriya’s character:

Hero Trait #1: Amazing Perseverance – Midoriya never gives up. Period. End of statement. Even if it means giving his life for someone else, he would rather do that than give up. He never fully gave up on his dream of becoming a hero, even when it ultimately looked like he would never develop a quirk. He didn’t let his failures or others kill his dream.

Hero Trait #2: Bravery – This is a trait I admire in others, probably because I feel lacking in it most of the time. I fear failure, looking incompetent, making mistakes… One of the biggest ways Midoriya exhibits bravery in the series is before he gets any powers, when he goes up against a super villain to save his friend’s life.

Hero Trait #3: Passion – This trait is the thread that combines all the others together. When you’re passionate about something, you usually give it your all and persevere at it. Maybe passion eventually transforms into a mission over time. Obviously, Midoriya is passionate about his dream, otherwise he wouldn’t risk so much to achieve it.

Hero Trait #4: Always Gives it His All – Midoriya will never finish a task and say to Image result for plus ultrahimself, “I should have tried harder.” He’s always trying the hardest he can at everything. That doesn’t mean he succeeds all the time, but he never has to wonder if he could have done better. The motto of U.A. High is “Plus Ultra” – which means pushing past your limits and going beyond what you think you’re capable of.

Hero Trait #5: Mission, Purpose and Moral Duty – Midoriya has an incredibly strong sense of mission and purpose in his life, and everything he does revolves around it. He wants to be a hero and help others. I have always thought it would be cool to know what my main mission in life was. I suppose as an aspiring follower of Jesus, it is (in a broad sense) to serve God. But more specifically, I still feel like I am finding out exactly what my calling in life is. Midoriya is also like the sweetest and most selfless person in the entire world, and is probably the most deserving person on the planet to become a hero. I keep telling myself that Calvin will be just like him when he gets older (right???)

What not-so-real characters have inspired you? Let us know in the comments!

The Strength of Empathy

Erica1 Comment

To give some context for the title – my job requires all employees to take the StrengthsFinder quiz to determine your 5 top strengths (out of 34 total strengths). Empathy is in my top 5.   

Today was a weird day. I know it was 9/11, and so that made it a bit out of the norm from any other day, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I started the day at work, opening my email, calendars and checking Facebook. Obviously, there were a lot of 9/11 related posts. I started reading one post about a man, Tom Burnett, who was on the one airplane (United Airlines Flight 93) that did not reach its intended target, and instead was crashed into a field where it did not cause harm to anyone outside of the plane. I read the phone transcript between Tom Burnett and his wife – I read the part where he told her, “Don’t worry – we’re going to do something” – the last words he would ever say to his wife.

So this morning as work is just beginning, I’m already getting teary and emotional. I decided I could not read any more posts and got on to my emotionally-neutral work tasks. But all day I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I was having a hard time – the feeling weighed on me all day and I felt like I wanted to cry, but I hadn’t had an opportunity (I’m usually a private crier.)

I wondered what the deal was with me – why was I so emotional about something that happened 17 years ago? Why was I so upset about the deaths of people I never knew? All day I kept asking myself what was “wrong” with me – until I got home and talked to Dean about it. He told me there is nothing wrong with having empathy and compassion for people – there is nothing wrong with grieving for people you never knew, no matter how recent or old the tragedy is. Having compassion and empathy is a good thing!

There’s something else that has been weighing on me for the last week or so – the death of Botham Jean – another person that I never met or knew personally. I have been processing what happened to him and didn’t know how to express my thoughts and feelings on the situation. I feel a connection to him because he was a Harding graduate. I watched videos of him leading singing in chapel in the Benson auditorium, and if I had been just a few years younger, I probably would have crossed paths with him at Harding. I probably would have gotten to hear his beautiful singing voice live in chapel. It was hard to hear about a senseless death of a person in their own home. It was hard to think about how his mother must feel – having a son of my own, I hurt for her, although I know it’s nothing compared to the pain she must be going through. I felt pain and sadness, and at the same time felt joy and gratitude that my own son was alive and well.

My heart has also been hurting for people who have lost young children. Some of the people I know personally, and some are related to people I know, but my heart hurts for them the same. I don’t know what that is like – and I can only imagine the hurt and pain (not that I want to imagine it!) I feel helpless to do anything, because what can be done? A card seems so small for someone who has lost a child – but maybe it’s the small things that are the most important…

All that to say, that as I was leaving work at the end of the day, I knew I had hit an emotional-breaking point. I got in the car and immediately just started crying. Crying for the 9/11 deaths, for Botham Jean, for parents who have lost children before they got to meet them. I prayed to God for peace about all of it, but I also thanked him for the ability to have empathy and compassion for others – something that has not always been my strong-suit. I know God is hurting with those people too – he has compassion for all of us.

A week ago, Dean had the opportunity to come to one of my library staff meetings and give a presentation on trauma-informed care. You may have heard of this term, it’s kind of a buzzword these days – but if you haven’t, it’s basically a way of approaching and interacting with people that assumes that they have either gone through (or are currently going through) a traumatic experience. You create safe environments for people that don’t contribute to their pain, and you give a little extra grace to everyone you meet because you acknowledge that you don’t know everyone’s story. (This is my interpretation of trauma-informed care – Dean could give you a better definition.)

In light of so many tragic events going on in so many people’s lives, I don’t think there could be a better time to start thinking about how to implement trauma-informed care. How can I help make life a little easier for people dealing with extremely hard things? How can I show God’s love to those hurting? How can I fill people up instead of tearing them down? Today I was hurting for people that very obviously were dealing with trauma – death and loss of loved ones is certainly a traumatic experience. But I know there are also many people out there who are not so obviously hurting – people who say they’re doing “fine” when inside they are barely hanging on. How do I show extra love to people when I don’t know that they are hurting?

The lesson I’ve learned is: just assume that they are – and love everyone a little bit extra.