I love hearing people’s stories – obviously I love sharing my own stories, but I also love learning about other people’s experiences. I’ve read a lot of memoirs this year including Michael J. Fox’s, Tom Felton’s, and Elliot Page’s – but the one that I surprisingly connected with the most was Britney’s The Woman in Me.

I was an OG Britney Spears fan. I was in 7th grade when her first album came out, and …Baby One More Time was one of the first cds I remember buying. I remember trying to learn the dance to (You Drive Me) Crazy with my friend Heidi. We practiced it over and over for hours! (Did anyone else have the VHS tape of Darrin’s Dance Grooves?!)

As I got older, I didn’t keep up with Britney’s music as much, but I definitely remember hearing about her in the news and tabloids. I remember when she shaved her head, and the media portrayed her as being “crazy.” I remember a guy in one of my high school classes talking about how he loved the Toxic music video because Britney was basically naked in it. Most of the talk I heard about Britney was either about how scandalous she was or about how people thought she was crazy.

I remember a few years ago when #FreeBritney started trending. My initial reaction was that it was just a rumor, that it had to be fake. But I remember wondering later if it could be true. And if it was true, how truly sad and terrible that would be.

It’s hard to separate truth from fiction – the news can obviously be a very biased source of information, and lately I feel like everything I read I have to take with a grain of salt. But I do think that we did learn that Britney had been trapped in some form or fashion under an abusive conservatorship. I can’t 100% know the truth behind her family’s motivation for doing that to Britney, but it sure does seem like they were taking advantage of her and exploiting her money.

When I heard that Britney had published a memoir, I immediately knew I wanted to read it. The day it came out in October, I searched for it in our library’s online catalog and saw that it already had a wait for it. I put a hold on it and was 5th in line to get it. I expected it to be full of drama and thought it would be more of an interesting read than anything else.

I didn’t expect to connect so deeply to the story. I didn’t expect to be stirred so emotionally by it. Honestly, I almost cried at one point while reading it. After reading it, I just wished I could meet Britney and give her a big hug!

It is a sad story. Obviously, a memoir is a time for a person to tell their side of the story. Again, it can be hard to know what is totally 100% true or not. But honestly, I am not super worried about what is 100% fact. This book is about how Britney viewed her story, and her perspective is valid, even if it’s not 100% accurate. The feelings she describes were true to her, and I think that is important.

Britney obviously has had a hard life. One theme that commonly stands out in celebrities’ memoirs is that fame is not always a blessing. I can’t imagine having every aspect of my life being criticized publicly, especially the most vulnerable parts of my life.

Britney talks about experiencing depression, specifically depression surrounding the birth of her two sons. (Obviously that struck a chord with me.) She had two kids very close together, and while trying to balance being a new mother, was at the same time dealing with going through a divorce. And on top of that, her mental health was really suffering.

Instead of compassion, she was met with judgment. She was portrayed as being a terrible mother.

I tried to imagine what it would be like, as I was going through my own journey of severe postpartum depression, to have the whole world telling me I was “crazy” and a terrible mother. I am lucky, I had a husband who loved and supported me during my mental health crisis. I already felt like a bad mother for having to leave my 4-week-old son to go to a mental health hospital, but I was assured by friends and family that it was the right choice: in order to be a good mother, I needed to get healthy. I struggled for a long time with guilt about that, but I’ve come to terms with it and know it was the right decision. Despite all the support and love I got, it was one of the hardest times in my life.

Now imagine that scenario, but zero support from your husband, two kids instead of one, and the whole world telling you that you are just “crazy” and a terrible mom… that is essentially what I think happened to Britney. (It makes my heart hurt so much for her!)

I remember thinking that when she shaved her head that something was probably wrong – but I mostly bought into the media’s portrayal of it and judged her. Now, having gone through my own mental health struggles and reading her memoir, I can see it that it was a way she was trying to gain back some control of her life. To rebel, to say, “I’m not going to be pretty anymore, you aren’t going to make money off my image anymore.”

I’m not saying that Britney made all the right choices (even she doesn’t say that), or that she wasn’t deeply unwell mentally, but what I am saying is that I totally get it. I can see myself doing the same things she did, getting desperate and acting rashly. And I don’t think it’s her fault that she struggled so much. I don’t think she got the support she needed, and I think she experienced a lot of trauma, and that will take a lot of time to heal from.

I know there will be plenty of people out there who criticize her memoir, and I am not trying to say it was the best-written book ever, but I really think it has value. And I am so glad that Britney got a chance to tell her side of the story, because I think that is so important, and it’s a crucial part of the healing process.

Britney, in case you ever read this, (*side note: I would LOVE if Britney actually read my blog, lol!) I just want you to know I’m sending you hugs and I hope you get the love and support you deserve. I hope you have a lovely life and continue to heal. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story ❤